


Ascending

by Hunny3ee (Synful7Aein)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Dragon Age II - Act 2, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Happy Ending?, Hurt/Comfort, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Love Triangles, Multi, POV Anders (Dragon Age), Slow Burn, When it gets there, Will add tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 19:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17628365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synful7Aein/pseuds/Hunny3ee
Summary: Kirkwall-Act IICute, fluffy drabbles from Ander's POV when Hawke is in a relationship with Fenris. Things get smutty at some point as well. But until then, enjoy some angsty Feathermage and Hawke being a little daft...





	Ascending

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea I had right before bed. I always imagine this is how it is for my Hawke when she goes for Fenris. (Even when I rival Anders~ -fans self-) I just wanted to write about Anders and had so many pretty lines in my head~ Then I went to sleep without writing them down and this happened when I woke up. ^^;;; I am liking this and having a blast writing it so this will probably go on for a little bit.  
> Inconsistent Update warning! But I hope you don't mind anyways. quq;;  
> Oh, just to clarify.... Bitters is what I named the Mabari...>~>

Three years. Three impossibly long years he had known Hawke, and yet the years flitted by with hardly any notice. If he was being painfully honest, everyday was like that when he was with her. Making days when they were apart droll and dragging.  
Such as today. The last time he had seen her was when they went into that cavern on Fenris’ behalf. The man gave them little choice, saying that it was urgent that they find the Magister before she flees. That was days ago. He had not seen neither hide nor hair of Hawke, or the elf, since then. Not surprising about the elf. Sometimes he would go weeks without seeing that brooding scowl and that was fine by him. But Hawke… he had become accustomed to seeing her at least every other day. She was always checking up on him, helping when he was over run, lending him coin to pay back Varric when he lost at Wicked Grace. Dare he think it; he was missing her. 

The last client had filed out of the clinic merely an hour ago, leaving the Anderfel mage utterly alone in his hidden hovel. The blonde has shed his light armor and had taken to his worn out cot in the back, allowing the waves of exhaustion to seep into his very tired bones. Healing was such a tedious effort, but a rewarding one nonetheless. He liked to help people, and to see them come in with a limp and leave with a smile and their bread money in tact, well… it was payment enough to have their thanks.

His stomach rumbled, half rousing his desperate need for sleep. If only the Kirkwall economy ran on smiles and thanks, then he would be at least a fat bottomed Duke by now. His buttery lashes fluttered open, and he fixed his gaze on the nearly dilapidated structures above him. The estate above needed new floor beams and a new layer of rock… termites and time had done a number on this man's estate. Poor sod would be falling on his head in the next decade or two, but Anders would probably be long gone by then. Therefore no need to go knocking on any Hightown doors anytime soon. His amber eyes closed, as he wondered about the time of day. It was hard to tell underground where the people of Darktown seemed to have adopted their own sense of ‘day and night’. Due to the slow traffic in his clinic and outside his door, he got the sense that it was well past the witching hour. 

_‘If it's night- Is she slumbering peacefully in her bed? ‘_ The thought was instant, invading his mind like a Blight with thoughts of her and visions of her curled in up in fabrics of red. Her hair askew across her delicate face, her raven lashes nestled atop pert cheekbones and hiding away the haven of her warm, chocolate eyes… 

The mage sighed, having enough energy just enough to raise a hand and tangle it in the mess of loose blond locks. A stark representation of his entire life. One hot, tangled mess, in need of some enlightenment.. Or a shower. Or both. 

Thinking of Hawke was dangerous for him. He denied it for nearly the entire first year he had known her, but it dawned on him that these feelings and urges were not new, or sudden. Anders had loved Hawke since the first time he laid eyes on her. The moment she entered his clinic, it had felt like a ray of sunshine had reached Darktown at last. He remembered how embarrassed he felt after he had yelled at her, thinking that such a divine, merciful creature could ever mean his patients harm. Every day since, his heart only grew for her. Justice stirs inside him, almost in a chastising way every time Anders even thinks about acting on his feelings. Justice never approved of his feelings for women. Or of anything that wasn't an embodiment of himself, like hobbies or simple pleasures. He always got the nagging feeling that he could be doing something ‘helpful’ or ‘useful’ instead. Justice had become that ‘inner nag’ that hounded his decisions and dogged him in his downtime. The whole saying that justice never sleeps? Anders could confirm that it was true. 

Justice especially never approved of his obsession over Hawke. The spirit found the female mage daring, bold and just, but the wisp simply wasn't capable of harboring feelings for such charm. Justice could feel only a dutiful sense to carry out what he embodied, and little else. Where as Anders was more vulnerable to Hawke's bewitching charm and biting wit. Even when she was being infuriating, all he wanted to do was stop that infernally witty tongue with his own. Even now all he wanted to do was feel the smooth caress of her skin. Bury his nose in those raven locks and get lost in her scent. He wondered what she would smell like. How she would feel pressed against him. How she would _taste_ under his inquisitive tongue. Was he not so blasted tired, he would have been rubbing at his small clothes just imagining it. As it was, he was too tired to even feel aroused, his stamina and mana completely sapped. So he settled for a frustrated groan and rolled over to his side instead, trying in vain to push away the lewd thoughts of the woman he loved. 

It seemed the longer he went without her, the more indecent his thoughts became. More frequent as well. Days, nearly a week without seeing her sweet face was too long. He wondered if he shouldn’t go check on her when the sun rose… It _was_ Hawke. She was a mage, and always being hunted by some band of thugs or another. What if--- No! No. He couldn’t think of that. His heart couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her. Thinking about such things would only cause him irrational panic and he would hate to go bursting through her door at such a late hour. More likely than not he would be limping back with her armored boot up his arse for waking her. He could wait for the sun. Impatiently, but he could wait. 

Anders settled into his cot, thoughts of Hawke flitting through his mind before vanishing in a slow haze as he finally began to drift off to sleep. Exhaustion claimed this rest, no doubt stealing away any chance at a dream that he may have had- Instead sending him into a near comatose-like state. Or at least it should have, but there was something bothering him. Nagging at him almost, but it wasn’t Justice. Wasn’t anything really, but a distant sound. A soft, gentle rap. A tap, really. 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Maker- It was the door. As if risen from the bloody dead, Anders shuffled off the cot with defeated moan. It wasn’t Templars, they would have knocked both doors down by now. It wasn’t urgent, otherwise he would be hearing desperate pleas outside. So who in Andraste’s name would be at the door at this hour? A few more timid knocks had him shuffling across the floor at a more brisk pace. He rubbed his red eyes and called out moodily. “I’m coming. Hold your bloody horses.” 

Anders flew open the door, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkness and the strain of keeping them open.  
“Anders….,” His heart nearly stopped, his eyes adjusting quickly to see Hawke standing in his doorway. He half expected her to sport her battle mage armor, seeking his aid in some dangerous, half cocked mission that she would most definitely charm him into. Even if the coin was lousy, he’d do it for her. But no. He looked her over, finding her evening robes odd. He’d never seen her wear them outside her own estate before. Did she walk all the way into Darktown with no armor? That was crazy! 

“Hawke! What are you doing here so late? Is something wrong? Where is your robes? Your staff?” He leaned over, realizing she was without a weapon as well. He’d never seen her so vulnerable. She was practically naked in his eyes. “Maker’s breath, Hawke! Get in here before someone decides to mug what little you have right now!” He placed an urgent hand on her back, rushing her inside the clinic before she even had a chance to argue. He gave the street a quick once over to check that she had not been followed before closing and locking the door behind him. Seeing her backside should have been gratifying... but he found himself seething as she looked around the clinic. “What in Andraste’s name were you THINKING?! Going out at night without a weapon or armor! Are you looking for the Gallows or an early grave?!” His tone was sharp and echoed across the vast empty room, but Hawke didn’t seem fazed by his very justifiable anger. How could she not understand? He knew she was not daft! A ditz, sometimes, but not in any sense of the word- stupid. He had never seen her without armor. Even when she was merely shopping in front of her own estate! 

Within the dark, a flicker of blue branched across his skin. Justice stirred but found no reasonable cause to linger as the mage’s skin returned to it’s peachy hue. Of course he wouldn’t, this was all Anders as his humanity controlled his actions and emotions. Hawke kept her back to him, seemingly finding something far more interesting to invest in other than his worrisome warnings. Anders ground his teeth. Was she baiting him?! Was she deliberately ignoring him? He closed the distance in a few great strides, his boots stomping the ground in a heated rush as he placed a firm hand on her shoulder. He reeled her around aggressively, demanding that she listen to him. She had come all this way- unarmed, might he bitterly add- the least she could do is listen to his nagging about it. 

“Hawke, what in blazes….are you…,” His rage instantly fizzled out, the tears on her cheeks dousing the flames. Her honeyed eyes were puffy and red, her bottom lip trembling as she quickly glanced away. Anders openly gaped at her a moment. Not **ONCE** had he ever seen this woman cry. Ever. Not when she was ran through with a blade. Not when she recalled the gruesome death of her siblings or her father. Not when she went weeks in the Deep Roads with no food or water and with Darkspawn on her heels. Honestly...he forgot that she even _could_ cry. Not from up on that pedestal that he so gingerly placed her upon in his head. It was a different side of her, a rare sight. She was so beautiful… even when she cried. 

“Anders!” Her walls came crashing down, what little distance there was between them was closed in an instant as she wrapped her trembling frame around him. He was hesitant for a moment, thinking that this was all some dream from exhaustion. But even with his overactive imagination, there was no way he could conjure up the sight of Hawke crying. This was real. Her pain...was real. 

The blond mage quickly closed his arms around her, holding her firmly to him as he smoothed down her tousled hair. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your mother?” He was grasping at straws, desperate to ease her pain. 

She shook her head, her tears staining the front of his robes as she swallowed back a muffled sob. “It’s Fenris.” 

Oh.  
Anders wasn’t entirely pleased to hear the name, but he sure didn’t show it. He knew she curried favor for him, but he tried not to think too deeply into it. So he put on a sympathetic face and commanded her gaze with a timid, soft hand, keeping his other hand snaked around her back. “What is it? What about Fenris? If he’s hurt then he knows where to find me, Hawke.” His tone was as soft as it could get when it came to that stubborn elf. Hawke probably knew this, and didn’t seem to mind either way as she looked away with a tint of rose masking her cheeks. 

“He’s not hurt. He… He left me Anders. We… He said he loved me and then left me.” 

Ohhhhh….  
Maker. He wished he wasn’t hearing this. So they… _professed_ their love then? He had to swallow an especially large and difficult lump in his throat. His chest felt tighter than a drum and he couldn’t find himself in her eyes. The thought of… The image of them… He couldn’t even finish the thought. How could he have been so blind to see that the damn elf was stealing her away from him so quickly? He supposed it was probably easy for Fenris, actually. Since Anders always looked away when they were together. He also realized that he never quite made his intentions clear beyond the occasional teasing flirt. But at least he did that much! He never even recalled Fenris saying anything charming to Hawke. Unless one counted his hound-like, unwavering loyalty. Beyond Hawke wanting another pet to keep her mabari company, Anders never thought she would actually choose Fenris as a partner. 

Not like he would be any better. He had to keep reminding himself that he had an extra passenger in his form. That Justice and Anders were now a packaged deal. A deal anyone with enough sense would be wise to turn away from. Especially when it came to matters of mages and templars. But even still… he found himself drawing nearer to her. Longing, wishing and _aching_ for her. Fenris may have shared her bed… but she was in his arms right now. And that was something that would keep him warm on the cold nights ahead. 

“He left you? Why would he ever leave you?” he asked softly, rubbing small circles between her shoulder blades as he leaned into her. She allowed it, allowing him to lay his head on hers as he subtly took in the scent of her soaps and scented oils. There was something earthy about her scent. She smelled of fresh grass, flowers and some type of spice that he couldn’t place. He was intoxicated by it, but not enough to waver his good sense. 

“He didn't really explain. He said that it was all too much. I don’t… really blame him. He’s been through so much but… It just hurts so much.” He could tell that she tried to remain strong as she explained, but a new wave of tears came crashing by before she was done. She was devastated by his leaving.

Anders chuckled warmly, giving her a firm hug as his lips brushed against her forehead. “So you came to a healer?” He sighed, “I’m sorry, dear. But I can’t heal that type of pain. You know that.” 

He elicited a chuckle from her smaller frame, earning him a well deserved smile for such a feat. She wiped at her eyes and took a step back, out of his smothering embrace. Anders was already missing her warmth, but it was worth it to see a smile on her face again. “I know. I just, needed someone to talk to. It’s been days and I know Aveline and Varric has been worried. I knew you would too, but… I just wanted a friend to get it all off my chest.” She smiled, not realizing the deep wound she had just inflicted upon him. But he smiled back, regardless. “I’m sorry I came by so late. Nights are the hardest, you know.” 

“Yes, I know,” he said without a second thought. It was a slip of the tongue, but he was determined to not let her linger on it. “If the nights are so hard, why don’t we go howling at the moon then? Go out for a drink or go take down some mercenaries. I do love that little twinkle in your eye when you watch a slaver run with his pantaloons on fire.” He said with a wry grin. 

Hawke smiled, genuinely and looked up at Anders with a sincere expression. “Thank you, Anders. You’ve been a precious friend to me.” 

There was that word again. _Friend._ He hated it, but it was necessary. He could be so much more. Wanted to be so much more. But right now, what she needed was a trustworthy friend. One that would take without giving. One that wouldn’t leave… That damn elf. He knew the beast would turn on her eventually, as all wild dogs do. He had made Hawke cry. He’d hurt her so deeply, and for that he would some day answer for it. But for now, making her smile again was his priority. Healing her pain. To the void with sleep! 

“And you to me. Better than I deserve.” Anders smiled before clapping his hands together, gaining Hawke’s full attention. “So! What will it be? Hightown? Lowtown? Hanged Man? I’m up for anything! Let’s go get into some trouble. With you around, it won’t be hard.” 

“Anders, it must be ridiculously early. The sun won’t be up for hours. I’m sure we can get into the most trouble by actually going around howling at the bloody moon, as you said.” She chuckled, her tears finally drying and the redness in her chocolate eyes waning. Just as it should be. 

Anders shrugged. “So let’s go howling. I bet Bitters would love that job!” Hawke chuckled, and Anders’ heart felt warm. Laughing, playful banter. This was the best times. Even better since it was just the two of them. To Anders, it wasn’t very hard to make Hawke happy. She wasn’t like all the other Hightown snobs, she didn’t like fancy dresses, expensive jewelry, and her most expensive guilty pleasure was those frilly cakes at lavish Orleasian events. Ones that, thankfully, one couldn’t buy in the Kirkwall market. (He’d be broke in but a moment.) To top it off, she was a mage! She understood him and his plight; helped him even. It wasn’t hard to make her happy, but maybe it was because it was him making her smile. Fenris rarely ever smiled himself, so how could he ever expect to make Hawke happy? Anders was convinced he was the mage, and the man, for Hawke. There would be no more holding back. To the void with sleep! To the void with that blasted elf! To the void with Justice who was now stirring and telling him this was a very bad idea!

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you guys think in the comments below. I feed off comments and kudos. OvO Thank you so very much! >u<


End file.
